Why is a Compassionate Mindset so Important for Practicing EFT?

Jacqui Author

The important roles of compassion, self-compassion and gentleness in transformational healing with EFT; examples of application in spheres of EFT work

It doesn’t matter which sphere of work you use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) to specialise in – mental health / trauma / addictions, or chronic illness, or Law of Attraction, or for business performance, a compassionate mindset will enhance, or even be essential for your work.

Elements of Compassion

Experts in compassion in therapy, Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer(1), state that all psychotherapists should be aware of self-compassion as a powerful resource for enhancing well-being. Few would argue the value of empathy, compassion and kindness in our dealings with others, particularly those whom we care about, and most people are capable of showing compassion towards others. However, when it comes to self-compassion, we can easily be harsher with ourselves in our self-talk, saying things we know we would restrain ourselves from saying to others to avoid hurt, or we feel compelled to strive for perfection (which, by definition, cannot be), exhausting ourselves in the process and critical of ourselves for failing at mission impossible. It is at such times that we need to remind ourselves of the three core components of self-compassion(2):

• kindness
• common humanity
• mindfulness

Practising self-compassion allows us to step back and observe ourselves and our thoughts and feelings (mindfully), and with kindness and gentleness acknowledge that some aspects of life can be a struggle at times and maybe we are good enough just doing the best we can, with an inherent sense of common humanity as we pick our way through and sensibly acknowledge any difficulties within the challenges that come up along the route of life. Neff and Germer(1) state that clinicians who model self-compassion can be more effective, as well as protecting themselves from empathic burnout. Furthermore, clients will sense the compassion through emotional attunement. Over time, this exposure is likely to help positively change how clients think and feel about themselves.

Why Emotional Freedom Techniques and Compassion or Self-Compassion?

EFT/Tapping therapy provides an easy vehicle for the introduction of self-compassion, with the tapping easily reducing the intensity of negative thoughts and opening up a space for clarity and cognitive shifts in the direction of self-acknowledgement, human understanding and self-compassion.

The Gentleness of EFT as a Therapy Modality

What I most love about EFT is its gentleness, kindness and simple non-judgemental acceptance. It includes a number of gentle techniques, specifically for working with trauma, that enable the therapist safely to proceed very gently at a pace that is totally appropriate for the client. Indeed much of the successful, beneficial effects of EFT arise from how effectively and gently it can be used to treat both capital-T and small-t trauma injuries and their after-effects. When we are being empathic, kind, compassionate, this will help us be gentle in all that we do, holding our clients and ourselves in a compassionate healing space. Anecdotally, it was reported by researchers involved in a study comparing EFT with EMDR for PTSD(3), that although both EFT and EMDR proved to be similarly effective for PTSD, the participants in the study preferred the EFT, finding it gentler.

EFT, Compassion and Trauma

According to Dr Gabor Maté, and the theme of his latest book, “The Myth of Normal. Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic Culture(4)”, trauma is at the root of so much of both the psychological and physical illness as well as dysfunctional, unhelpful or unkind behaviours and judgements that we come across in our culture today. Maté explains that we need a much wider understanding of trauma and its effects – what the medical community currently just about understands as trauma is just the tip of an iceberg with so much still hidden below the water level. Whilst many are still struggling to understand the effects of “capital-T” trauma, such as acts of war, rape, life-threatening events, so much more damage exists as a result of “small-t” trauma events, of a kind that Maté calls “nearly universal in our culture”. These might include the after effect on us of such things as “bullying by peers, the casual but repeated harsh comments of a well-meaning parent, or even just a lack of sufficient emotional connection with nurturing adults”. Maté defines an event as traumatising or re-traumatising, “only if it renders one diminished, which is to say psychically (or physically) more limited than before in a way that persists” and “more than any other factor, it is the environment – the conditions under which development takes place, which either do or don’t meet our multiple needs – that determines which potentials will or will not manifest”.

EFT practitioners, from daily experience in our work would agree about small-t trauma and environment - we so often find that the application of EFT’s gentle techniques to these wounds results in new clarity, new capacity for compassion and self-compassion, release of crippling emotions, new perceptions and new ease in life. So, whilst using these wonderful EFT techniques that are at our disposal, or promoting standards for the use of EFT, emphasising its gentleness, a constant mindset of compassion, kindness and understanding must be key, if we are to be sure, with so much small-t trauma at large in our culture, of not in any way at all adding to that universal trauma load. We are not medics and we do not swear the Hippocratic Oath (First Do No Harm), but it would seem an excellent principle to work to and one that we can more easily achieve when we hold compassion uppermost in our minds and values when making decisions.

EFT with Compassion for Chronic Illness

Self-compassion is key to management of and to any degree of healing from chronic illness. How often, when we have an illness, or a body part that is letting us down, do we beat ourselves up for not being able to do something that we want to do or direct our frustration at the failing body part. If we remember (from Bruce Lipton’s Biology of Belief(5)) that at a cellular level growth or protection modes are all there is, you can only have one or the other at the same time, and that growth mode is necessary for healing, how do we ensure that protection mode doesn’t get switched on, hence switching off growth and healing? If those cells are coming under verbal attack from our own self-talk, switching on protection mode, how important is it going to be to feel compassion for those cells and for ourselves, so that they can switch back to growth and healing mode? As practitioners, Neff and Germer(1) report, it is important for us to model self-compassion and for our clients/patients to be able to sense and learn it from us.

EFT with Compassion for Working with the Law of Attraction

EFT has been put forward by many well-known figures as a useful tool for working with the Law of Attraction. More specifically, it needs to be used to work with the Law of Allowing, since the Law of Attraction is said to work as automatically as the Law of Gravity and thus doesn’t need to be practised. Self-compassion is a massively important piece here. The secret of allowing abundance to come to you as instructed by Abraham(6) is to be just consistently searching for and adapting to better feeling thoughts and feelings and letting this happen easily. To do this you need always to feel at the very least compassion, and ideally unconditional love, for yourself. Combining this instruction to keep finding the better feeling thoughts with EFT tapping is a great way to get started, giving you instant help to escape from the stickiest negative mental states – just specifically notice and sit with the negative feelings and tap for them until you feel a sense of more clarity or a cognitive shift towards better feeling thoughts, then follow the process described by Abraham(6).

This is also a great way to allow yourself business success. Rather than forcing yourself to do the things that feel hard, or procrastinating, take a moment to use self-compassion and EFT tapping to change the way you feel, to allow in those better feeling thoughts that will enable you to be a closer match vibrationally to the success to which you aspire and which, at your Source You know you deserve, then feel yourself take action from a point of inspiration and ease, in flow with the powerful stream of life, rather than out of a sense of duty or hard work that can feel like paddling upstream.

Last Words

I find that compassion and self-compassion permeate every piece of EFT work I ever do. Compassion acknowledges that things such as struggle, pain, imperfection are an inescapable part of the human condition. It allows us to be mindful, step back and take stock, develop a mindset that enables us to deal with adversity whilst acknowledging our feelings, cutting ourselves some slack when needed and helping our clients/patients with this too. Maybe we can trust in the Laws of Attraction and Allowing, that all is as it should be, as we keep creating our world and keep showing ourselves and others the compassion, kindness, love that best connects us to Source. Clients can trust in our kindness and compassion and the EFT way of working quickly ensures strong rapport and successful therapeutic relationships.

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Initial Practitioner training in this way of working is available live online with Jacqui Footman at EFT Devon starting 13 April 2023 and advanced practitioner training starts on 29 April 2023. Jacqui also runs regular monthly live Introduction to EFT Essentials workshops (2 hours) and a free Tapping for Stress taster group every other Friday afternoon.

Click here for further information about initial Practitioner Training
Click here for further information about Advanced Practitioner Training

References

1. Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer. The role of self-compassion in psychotherapy. World Psychiatry. 2022 Feb; 21 (one): 58-59.
2. Neff KD. Self Identity 2003; 2:85-102.
3. Karatzias et al. A controlled comparison of the effectiveness and efficiency of two psychological therapies for posttraumatic stress disorder: eye movement desensitization and reprocessing vs. emotional freedom techniques. J Nerv Ment Dis. 2011 Jun;199(6):372-8.
4. Dr Gabor Maté MD. The Myth of Normal. Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic Culture. Vermilion 2022.
5. Dr Bruce Lipton PhD. The Biology of Belief. Hay House 2016.
6. Esther and Jerry Hicks (The Teachings of Abraham). The Astonishing Power of Emotions: Let Your Feelings Be Your Guide. Hay House 2007.